it was the night agfter valentines and henery was in tha clanger again. 'so whatcha in for mister?' a familure voice floated in from the neighboring cell. henery sat himself down against the damp slabs 'welll' he bagan...
it all started yestermorning as i was traversing the swampland in hot persuite of a vile gangster type when i happened upon a house with unopened mail above the the fireplace. fearing that an unavory character might intecept an important missive i decided toopen a few when low and behold i had been invited to the valentines ball at the kings palace!! naturally they had spelt my name a little wrong but that would explaine why my invitation hadbeen delivered to the wrong house. Invite clasped firmly in paws i skipped all the way back to brittan in goo dtime for the festivities.
Now my invitation read 'Lord Caramon and Mistress' which presented me with one distince problem once ye've gotten to grips with the bad penmanship of the kings scribs.. my mistres had eloped with a fishmonger from cove.. i belive he may have been an orc which cast seriouse doubts on the good health of my sweetheart. Slicking back my eyebrows i set about finding myself an escort.
I foundthe perect gentelwoman hanging off a lampost at the docks. Miss magic mandy had began the celebrations early in the evening and i worked up quite a sweat draging her by the ankle upto the palace gates.
After the crier introduced us, mandy crawled off to make merry with the waiters and i began to mingle.
you might n' belive it but the palace is a den of crruption and disorgnization. I found myself as the single lawabiding citizen in the whole unwashed cespit! Myputitan sense of goodness kicked in and i took it upon myself to restore the virtues of order to the court.
The lights dimmed, trumpets sounded and the dutched of vesper made her enterence. hmph i thought. they never introuduced me like that.. she was draped in a pink gown and wore a marvelouse tiara.. perhaps too marvelouse... somehting is amis here i thought to myself.. 'Pilfering scounderal!' i exclaimed. jewelry so fine could only belong to the queen herself. Seeing bright crimson red i jumped atop the dutches and snatched the tiara. Her dark minions persued me but where no match for my skill and courage. I hid in the soup cauldren and before i had gotten too swety they had moved the search outside.
The route to the Queens room was awash with sin. It seemed as thou in every display case, in every safe box and in every other nobelmans purse i found trinkets that had clearly been lifted from cut-throat Pete's discount vendor. I mead a mental note to return as much as i could discreatly carry later in the week, for a small finders fee.
After thourghly searching every room in the castle for our queen i finaly found myself outside the royal suite.. she seemed to be in heated iscousion wiht an army man of sorts. So as not to disturbe themi slipped in unnoticed and found a descreate resting place under the bedsheets so as to take the weight off my tired feet
'But captian Wyatt the king is in dire need of thy assistance, should our lord fail to make an aperence this evening at the ball the evil blackthorne will claim me as his wife and take the throne!'
From my vantage point, through a decorative heart in the headboard i had a good view of Wyatts boots.. i recognised them instantly asbelonging to my good friend and student in the arts of war.. 'Wyatt the nearly as fearless and Henery' his friends called him 'Very well my queen. i shall come out of retirement for this one last mission. Leave everything to me'
With that wyatt marched out of the hallway and the queen ducked into an antechanber.. soo.. i mused. the king must make an aperence at the ball, twisting my patchey grey whiskers between my fingers, the cogs of fate worked their magic inside my head.. i looked very kingly, i thought to myself. chiseled jaw, upright posture, limbs of steel.. and i probabaly had alot of royal blood.. after all, could a commoner be as charming and nobel ads i? nay-eth i thought-eth, atlast the moment for which i had been born for had arived... it was my duty, nay obligation to be ruler in the kings stead. A task that none accept the king and I where fit to perform. I slipped into the spare set of royal armour and hung the corwn on my head as best as could fit.
Pageboys scurried at my feet as i plowed through the hub-bub of pesants to the ballroom. Seeing my crown the crier stuttered an introduction and the court gasped in stunned scilence. I took my place on the kings throne when alluva sudden an army of soilders in black armour crashed onto the dance floor. At their head was a brutish thrg in a bone mask
'Cease the king!' he bellowed.. the rest is a blur.. i belive i was overwhelmed in a grueling battle thou i may have fainted.
I awoke in a cell much like this one, as i came to my senses i heard the far off clanging of swords play.. before i even had time to make a miraclouse breakout and save the day, the sounds of battle had made their way right up to my cell
'We have come to recsure you my king'
'Wyatt i exclaimed'im in here' he spared a glance in my direction and frowned
'better get that idiot out too, Lunar'
The lusty maiden kicked down my cell door and picked me up. All my boyhood fantasys came true in an instant.. being carried away by a beuitful woman, and on valentines day at that. She soom dropped me as i shot a toothless kis in her direction. I fell quite heavily and it wasnt untill the guards found me asleep on the streets that i eas arrested for vagerency and brought here.. think they might have tagged some token burgelry and treason charges but they'll never stick
Witch that Henery lost the plot and began to mumble to himself.. a short time later he made bail and with a new sense of adventour hourneyed off in search of his long lost love in the orc relms